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Susan
02 September 2018 @ 12:07 am
In case you missed it: hi, I've stopped taking my St John's Wort & Ginkgo Biloba combo and switched to taking Fluoxetine! I'm still in the stage where it's just making me feel terrible before it (hopefully) makes me feel better (I know, I know, it can take three to six weeks before I notice a difference), but I figured I've ive a quick update on where I'm at. (I am livetweeting it, because I'm me and of course I am.)

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Also, Lex is being amazing about this whole thing, he is being super supportive and checking on me, and is also my Responsible Adult Who Has Read The Side Effects So I Don't Have To (And Therefore Don't Psychosomatically Give Myself Symptoms) and just... Believes in me? I am doing a thing that is massively stressful to me that doesn't always make me feel great, but he believes that I'm being brave, which helps. ;______;

So uh... Thank you to Lex and Jay/Sam/Tonks and all of my twitter people who have been putting up with me grumbling about this! Hopefully that'll die down as things start working! Thank you for the support and reassurance. ♥
 
 
Susan
01 September 2018 @ 11:47 pm
A million years ago I promised to write up my brownie recipe for [twitter.com profile] lynnoconnacht. It's pretty much just a clarified version of this recipe from the BBC, but eh, back-ups are great.

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Susan
Start part two! Part one?

Saturday
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Sunday
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But yes, that was my Nine Worlds. It was pretty good, and I definitely felt more settled and more able to keep up with meeting new people! (I swear to you, if you're ever worried about not knowing people at a convention, you come stand between [twitter.com profile] faintdreams and [twitter.com profile] clairerousseau, you'll be introduced to pretty much every single person who attends within an hour.) I guess not being in a new place + taking my tablets helped? I know Some Stuff kicked off at the Futures of Nine World panel, and that there's apparently been some stuff going down, but I'm still catching up on that. All I know is that there might not be a Nine Worlds next year? But if not we can meet up SOMEWHERE ELSE.

For now, you're all great, I love my friends, thank you all for having me! <3
 
 
Susan
Hello my darlings! I am back from Nine Worlds and I've finally started writing up my con diary! I meant to do it sooner, but I decided to take Monday to relax and hopefully not get con crash? (Dark suspicion: I crashed on Sunday.) We'll see how I did.

So behind the cut are my magical London adventures! I am going to tag people by their handles when I know them, and I am really sorry if it looks like I'm name dropping because that is 100% not my intention, and doubly sorry if we hung out and I didn't tag you! I'm gonna be splitting this into two posts, because hello, I'm me; if you want the shorter version with more pictures, I livetweeted it mostly in one handy thread!

General
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Thursday
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Friday
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End part one! Part two!
 
 
Susan
The Ice Wants to Kill You: A Brief History of Polar Exploration by Gavia Baker-Whitelaw and Ally Wilkes

The first part was a history of polar exploration from Gav!
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Ally spoke about common themes in polar horror, recent discoveries, and conspiracies!

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And those are my notes! I assume that this is mostly stuff people know, and [twitter.com profile] jennyhorrocks is going to come by and drop some facts about the artic/antarctic because that's literally what she's studied (and also I'm pretty sure she's been to one of them!) but it was fun to learn about!

... I'm gonna get buried in book recs and I can't wait.
 
 
 
Susan
28 August 2018 @ 11:20 am
Representation in Dating Sims was one of the three panels that I pretty much WINDMILL SLAMMED the favourite button on on the Nine Worlds Schedule. (The other two were the LGBTQI in Anime panel, and the one [twitter.com profile] clairerousseau was doing on How To Keep Creating When The World's On Fire, which I didn't actually manage to make it into, whoops.) But this one! I took NOTES, I had a great time, A+ would windmill slam again.

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Susan
28 August 2018 @ 11:16 am
Presented by [twitter.com profile] gothicat, whose twitch is Gothicathulu. She's kindly uploaded the slides here too, so I'd check those out for more clarification on stuff that I glossed over when taking notes! She's also said that she's happy to answer questions, so I'd suggest speaking to her if you want to know more about anything!

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Susan
Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya should really be my thing. I like to imagine that it got made because someone in the office accidentally sent in their Fate/Card Captor Sakura fusion AU instead of their work, and management went "!!!!!" It should be my thing! I like magical girls capturing cards! I like the Fate mash-up of mythologies and Pokémon battles! I like yelling at my ships and the steady inexorable knowledge that this is basically a slasher movie in terms of survival odds! I should be the target audience for this show!

... Except that someone went "Fuck, how can we get straight dudes to watch this show?" and the answer was "I dunno, ramp up the male gaze and put in a ludicrous amount of fanservice, that should get 'em."

Motherfuckers.

(I actually asked Lex "Was it really that bad? I know it was bad enough that I stopped watching like three episodes in, but was it that bad?" And even Lex was like "Oh yeah." And my tolerance for fanservice was a lot higher back when Lex was watching Kaleid Liner. Apparently it got better after I stopped watching, but it also got a hell of a lot worse.)

ANYWAY, yes, it has Illya as an adorable happy magical girl trying to catch the cards of heroic spirits that Rin and her rival let loose; Illya's rival/best friend is a magical girl called Miyu who is VERY SERIOUS. Like, full-on "There is an entire episode revolving around how she can't use magic to fly because she understands too much physics to suspend her disbelief." That part is REALLY CUTE. And they made a movie that's entirely just Miyu's backstory and pretty much no fanservice! EXCELLENT.

Disclaimer: there are spoilers for both the show, the main Fate universe (Mainly Zero, Stay/Night and Unlimited Bladeworks), and the movie here! I'm not sure how much of Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya you need to have seen for the movie to make sense – I've only seen three episodes, but also Lex has seen all of it so whenever I was like "Wait, no, what was that about?" Lex was there to explain what the hell. So... Fair warning, I guess! The important thing to know is that this branch of the Fate multiverse revolves around the heroic spirits being embodied through cards.

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Susan
23 August 2018 @ 11:42 pm
Just a quick anxiety update for those who didn't see on twitter: I am officially on drugs now! I'm going to be taking Fluoxetine for a while; I've got two weeks worth on the kitchen counter, I've just got to do some schedule wrangling to work out when I start taking them.

(My original follow-up appointment at the doctor's was supposed to be on like the 10th, which meant that I could finish off my St John's Wort and then start the tablets on Monday. Except that I'm not in the city on the 10th, so I'm going to need to try to move my appointment, and either start taking the meds immediately and ring up for an extention prescription to tide me over till the week after, or just take the St John's Wort and start it a little later.)

... I did have a little sad after I handed in my prescription, because hello, I have officially resigned myself to not be able to magically somehow stop having anxiety on my own. But it's okay! I'm doing a good thing that will hopefully make me better and that's the important bit!
 
 
Susan
Hey everyone! I went to therapy today and for the first time it felt... Not like everything was awful? I cried a lot but it felt kinda cathartic by the end?

Cutting for talk of suicide.

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So... I feel bad that I took up so much of his time, but I do feel better, so that's nice? And I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow where we're going to talk about my finally going on meds, so I'll report back I guess! Love you all, be safe!